A Contest!First prize:The Grab Bag of Decency!!Read the manual and answer a few questions. If you are a winner,you will win any number of prizes, including a . . . REFRIGERATOR MAGNET from the Department of Homeland Decency's
Be the first in your crowd to have one of our many fine refrigerator magnets:  
With these or any of our other magnets on your refrigerator door, everytime you or one of your loved ones needs a snack, they will also receive an uplifting and stirring message that builds decency in the Homeland! Rules you might be asked about:Why should sex always result in pregnancy? Are vegans terrorists? Is the Bible a good science textbook? What are the two ways to properly destroy a Dixie Chicks' CD so it can never be heard again? Read the Decency Manual and you will know the answers to these and many other important questions about decency. Read it and you will be an important follower as we march proudly backwards to the future! Always remember this: "Words lead to ideas, which are the saplings of indecency. Pretty soon you have a forest that needs to be burned to the ground." Click here to go directly to the contest! We will select winners from those who get the most correct answers. In case of ties, we will select the winners from those who wrote the best comments about decency. Enter today! We are prepared to send out dozens of these refrigerator magnets that will someday be collectibles!
But be very careful. If you get everything wrong, we might wonder about your general worthiness. So study the manual before taking the test. That way, you will have nothing to fear. |
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Good News of the day!Chuck Norris to pen new book "Black Belt Patriotism"! Bad News of the Day!He doesn't beat up any liberals, atheists, college professors, humanists, gays or Hilllary supporters in it. Tip of the Day!Buy the book and carry it everywhere, so Chuck knows who his friends are! Good News of the Day!Republicans keep oil companies' profits safe from Democrats' taxes! Bad News of the Day!Liberal media smear Republican efforts. Tip of the Day:Invest in Big Oil and have the last laugh on them! Good News of the day!McCain beats up on the New York Times! Bad News of the Day!No one cares, because it's the Times. Tip of the Day!If you have a neighbor who spends all Sunday reading the Times, let us know! Good News of the Day!The President's new budget cuts funding for public broadcasting in half! Bad News of the Day!It's the president's last year in office. Tip of the Day:Report any neighbor who you think likes Bill Moyers and we'll take it from there! Good News of the Day!President of France marries his consort and makes her an honest woman! Bad News of the Day!Kids read about the President of France and ask questions! Tip of the Day:Cancel your newspaper and watch Fox News' Tips for Decent Parents! Why Decency Rocks!Branson Missouri has many beloved musical acts that rock, many of them still alive! Kids! Do this at home!Set up your own faith-based science fair and make decent friends! The Wisdom of Mrs. FlueShe is the department's temporary volunteer ambassador of decency. Listen to her timely speechette, "The Five Rungs of Decency." |
THE DEPARTMENTOF HOMELAND DECENCY |
DECENCY!It's the law. Are you be ready?
Be the leader of decency in your neighborhood
by being the first to purchase: The Department of Homeland Decency
Decency Rules and Regulations Manual Now available at decent book stores in decent neighborhoods everywhere, as well as at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders, Powells, Majers and Quinn, and Three Rivers Press. Join us as we march proudly backwards to the future.Always be decent!And contact us HERE.Tell us who in your neighborhood isn't so decent. We'll take it from there.THE DEPARTMENT'S MOTTO"You have nothing to fear if you have nothing to hide. You have nothing to hide if you have nothing to fear. So fear nothing and you need not hide. Hide nothing and you need not fear."
THE DEPARTMENT'S TIP OF THE DAY"If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, walks like a duck, does 'it' like a duck, votes Green Party, likes Jon Stewart, buys free-range eggs, is childless by choice, and uses a push mower, it is a duck and must be reported." Decent news for Decent folks!Fox wins Rapture rights!Stock rises on newsIt's now official: God hates the liberal media. That's because Fox won the right to broadcast the Rapture. In a surprise to everyone except decent folk everywhere, Fox now has exclusive rights to the Rapture, including the name, book rights, movie rights, and product tie-ins. Other networks can't even use the word Rapture without mentioning that Fox News. "We went after this because we know Fox is filled with decent, upright, liberal-bashing, true believers and the other networks aren't," a FOX spokesman said. "We want decency to return to the Homeland and to televisions everywhere. That's why Fox has to be the one to broadcast the Rapture. Who wants Anderson Cooper or Keith Olbermann to broadcast it? Maybe a secular humanist pinko Homeland hating college professor!" No one at Fox has explained, however, who might want to watch a telecast of The Rapture if the world truly ends then. Or who would want to read the books, watch the movies, or buy T-shirts and coffee cups with something like "The Rapture brought to you by Fox" written on them. Despite that inherent contradiction, Fox executives are very upbeat, as are Fox stockholders. Fox stock went up 50 percent on news of this upcoming telecast. "We are proud to show this event because we expect it to surpass the combined popularity of the Super Bowl, World Series, Masters Golf Tournament, and Florida 2000 vote count," a Fox spokesman said. "Viewers should be extremely excited about this. Nothing like this has ever been on TV before. Not even The O'Reilly Factor, as important as that show is, could hope to be this big." Exactly when this will be on TV is uncertain. Whether this deal is legal is another stumbling block. Regardless of that, however, Fox wants to broadcast at least one more run of American Idol, so if The Rapture comes a little earlier than TV programming would allow, the the Rapture won't be shown live. |